Well it is official. I have now completed any required commitments for my sister’s wedding. I went to have my nails done and any stray bits of hair waxed away so that while I may look like I belong on the LSU defensive line with width of my shoulders in this bridesmaids dress, my face will be hairless and my nails will be buffed and polished to a shine.
I pointed to my eyebrows and in a very quick fashion hot wax was applied and any stray hair was ripped off. I pointed at what I thought was my upper lip to be the next defoliation station but alas something got lost in translation. Before I could stop her the lady who shall now be called the sadist, stuck hot wax up my nose. Y’all she was waxing the inside of my nose. If you have ever had anything waxed you know that there is a fine line between hot wax and third degree burns from lava being applied. OMG hot wax up my nose…I started making a noise that was very close to the way a cow bawls when she is in labor and the calf is not coming out. I started out laying on my back but when the nerves in my nose were being seared off from the lava…the old childhood teachings of stop drop and roll were replayed. I rolled/fell off the table and dropped to floor where I was moaning in the fetal position. I stayed in the fetal position until it occured to me that I had to get the wax removed from my nose. I crawled back up on the table and told the sadist to just get it over with.
Having my child removed from me via c-section was less painful. I will spare the gory details but suffice to say that there were tears and a leather strap to bite on to stop the screams of agony from torture from a little Asian lady hell bent and determined to remove all hairs from my face.
So if you are into that kind of thing hot wax and a mean little sadist will cost you $30 and any pride and dignity that you used to have.
