So I have a very family friendly vet clinic which is kinda expected as we all consider our pets as part of the family. What this means in reality is that sometimes we have visitors stop by in the form of kids.
On this particular day, I was in surgery neutering a very naughty blood hound who kept escaping his pen in order to whisper sweet nothings to the foxy lady Labrador next door who’s tail was wagging a sweet and inviting hello.
A young gentleman who had finished learning all the things he needed to know in first grade popped his head into surgery to say hello. Being a very precocious fellow, he quickly realized that I had taken my scalpel to this dogs privates and was in the process of removing them.
1st grader: (horrified!) What are you doing to him!?!?!
Me: well, I am neutering him. This is where we remove the testicles from boy dogs.
1st grader: (more horrified and a bit indignant) why would you do that to him?!?!
Me: Doing this will help him not want to chase girl dogs and run out in the road and possibly get hit by a car.
1st grader: but isn’t that going to hurt him?
Me: oh no! He won’t hardly know what happened! We will give him some pain medicine and he will be playing outside in no time!
1st grader: when he wakes up, he is going to be grumpy. I would be mad if I was him.
Me: Trust me! He will be fine! (As I am elevating the tissue to where he can see what a testicle really looks like)
1st grader: (with eyes as big as saucers) is that what mine look like?
Me: um probably.
1st grader: y’all are weird. Those are gross.
Later conversation between 1st grader and his younger brother (as per his mom)
Brother: what do they look like?
1st grader: lines like old people’s forehead all these lines shooting every where
Brother: so his wiener couldn’t stick out straight anymore like ours?
1st grader: I guess not but maybe so. I think it just can’t chase girls anymore.
Brother: what did it feel like?
1st grader: eww….i didn’t touch it!!!
Brother: well you call that cool if you didn’t play them?
I am expecting a phone call from his school any day now asking me to refrain from teaching first graders about the birds, bees and bloodhounds.
